Driving Me Nuts

Yesterday I found myself swerving, zigzagging and avoiding cars driving straight towards me in parking lot lanes barely wide enough to be two-way. The one-way lanes in this lot were so narrow I had to slow down and carefully go around any trucks or SUVs with their rear ends sticking out of the short lanes to avoid hitting cars parked on the opposite side.

*deep sigh*

As I came to a turn, I prayed idiot pedestrians would actually look both ways before stepping out onto the road (in CA they NEVER do that) so I won’t chance hitting one (not that I’d be all that upset if I did). I slammed on the brakes for two guys indifferent to my presence.

As I navigated stop signs and idiot drivers through this parking lot from one side to the other (it’s a shortcut to avoid several lights though I’m rethinking the route now), something dawned on me and I exclaimed it out loud to myself (multiple times) in the car:

“This badly designed parking lot is a metaphor my life here in northern California!”

*Sheesh*

Not the Metaphor I’d Hoped For

2023…this has been a spectacularly challenging year (even though a Black Water Rabbit year, according to Chinese horoscopes, was supposed to be good for me in the area of finance.)

*harrumph*

Temp work all but dried up and permanent work has been beyond my grasp. I can’t explain the feeling of how navigating the parking lot seemed a strange parallel to what my life has been here: a lot of dead ends (choices leading nowhere), stop signs (no, you can’t go that way), people crossing my path (for brief periods and not caring much ), narrow lanes (are you sure this is the right path? not a good fit for you).

I was overcome with such a strong feeling of discombobulation that I now struggle to put it into words. Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe it…it’s as if, no matter how hard I try or which choices I make, the end result is the same: nope, this road ain’t gonna work for you. 

Such is Life…

But life is like that sometimes, right? We’re confronted by numerous adversities, both personal and professional, in our lifetimes and whether we right ourselves depends on our ability to cope and resolve the issue. It’s just that sometimes that feeling of discombobulation is so overwhelming it can be hard to see the way out of a place that isn’t working.

Movin’ On is All You Can Do

Can’t go back in time, can’t stay still, so moving forward, moving on, is the only option. Like the saying “one day at a time,” I must keep moving in a forward direction, one step, one day at a time. Must keep knocking on doors, climbing over walls, finding ways through locked gates. For me, “when one door closes, another door opens” always meant when one door closes, find a damn window to climb through. I’ve always been determined to find a way, no matter how many obstacles in front of me. I don’t like to be told ‘no’ in any form. 

Cathartic writing is good for the spirit. Who knows, in sharing this I may finally find my way out of that badly designed parking lot and on to a smoother road. Or maybe a reader will come up with a resolution to a similar problem. Either way, all we can do is hope, right?

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