At A Loss For Words

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Van Gogh’s Sunflowers – my rendition

I’ve been negligent of this blog for some time now – mea culpa. It’s our busy season at work and at the end of each day I’m exhausted. “Gettin’ old ain’t for sissies” is a phrase of wisdom, indeed. That and I’ve been at a loss for words as to what to write. I’ve covered so many topics these past five years I’m wondering if I’ve got anything left to share. 

Creation Comes in Many Forms

I haven’t worked on any of my writing projects but I have picked up painting again. It all started at work with a co-worker who is an amazing artist and calligrapher. She does all of our signs BY HAND. At first, I used to stare at them wondering whether they were pre-printed by the company. The symmetry in her calligraphy is impressive. So I started thinking about the two paintings I did a couple years ago – one landscape, one abstract (neither was very good but we all have to start somewhere). I decided to take a creative slant to my work apron (many co-workers sport a variety of artistic designs) but I wanted to design something no one else had so I drew and painted what is called a Chinese blue-green dragon (Xiao Qing Long). Next to the dragon is the Chinese character for “good fortune.”

It woke my long-dormant creative juices and I’m now planning on painting some aprons for co-workers I like. While at Michael’s (the art store) last week to buy a sharpie for work, I noticed an array of adult paint-by-number kits of various pictures: Van Gogh’s Sunflowers, his Starry Night, and a few others peppered with general landscape pictures. I chose Van Gogh’s Sunflowers (work in progress above) because it’s one of my favorites – and he’s one of my favorite painters. If only I’d known then what I’d gotten myself into!

The project is quite detailed and after five nights of  2-4 hours of painting (teeny tiny slithery shapes) I’m still only about 1/3 – 1/2 done. Basically I stop when my neck and right hand are cramped from sitting in one position for too long.

But I persevere.

Find A Different Canvas

In an old post (Dec 2016), I wrote:

As writers, we are artists whose canvas is the mind of the reader; our brushes are the words we use to create the story. Some paint a broad picture while others paint a smaller, more narrow picture.”

Since I seem to be at a loss for creating something for the canvas of readers’ minds, I have picked up a brush and am creating something else, something just as good, on another kind of canvas. It is creation and creativity that are most important; those of us who write or paint or create in some way must because it is who we are and it drives us. So I have to stop knocking myself for not writing. Perhaps it’s time to step away and indulge my creativity via other channels.

If you, too, are at a loss for words with your writing, step away and create something else with a different form of art/media. At some point, the writing will call you back.

#writers #painting #VanGogh #creativity #creativejuices #livecreatively

Not That Kind of Blog

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Source: Google Images/geekwire.com

Saturn Opposition Moon is Kicking My Ass Right Now

I don’t know how many of you are into astrology or accept its veracity but I’m in a Saturn opposition Moon situation through November that has me re-thinking some very personal issues (career vs. personal happiness is one aspect; others are some specific security/insecurity issues and it’s during this time that I’m to work this all out, lucky me). I feel more philosophical these days (which is what comes with age, oh joy) and it shows up in my writing more and more. I’ve realized it’s who I am (and have become more so) and my writing reflects that aspect, even in this blog. I feel a greater need to be even more creative (like it’s pushing everything else out of my mind lately; this is my 3rd blog in the space of a week because the words keep flowing) and often find myself daydreaming about creating in other ways (painting, fabric painting, mosaics, photography, etc.). My creativity seems to have worked its way to the forefront of my life; I’m still not sure if it’s a good thing (because it’s the road I’m meant to be on) or just some wishful thinking (as an escape from those pesky issues). I think it’s part of what I’m forced to work out during this transition.

Not That Kind of Blog

Mine is not a how-to-be-a-better-writer kind of blog, I never intended it to be. Though I might pepper in a few how-to posts, my blog has a more philosophical, narrative and personal style. Since the beginning, I’ve gained and lost readership as a result of writing this blog from a different approach. As with many (insecure) writers, I’m learning to be okay with the ups and downs and continue 1) as if it doesn’t matter in the long run, and 2) believing that some readers will gain new perspectives on their own writing from my personal perspectives.

What Do You Gain?

Are you gleaning anything positive from my posts? Do they help you become more introspective in relation to your writing skills and style? Do my posts help you look at the work you’re creating with a new set of eyes, with a renewed sense that what you’re creating is good enough? This is my hope, my goal. Sharing on a deeper level, to me, is more profound than focusing only on the technical aspects of writing (how to be a better writer, how to sell more books, etc.). Depending on your genre, philosophical or narrative posts may be more helpful; maybe not. It’s all a crapshoot anyway, right?

Walk With Me

So there it is. I hope you’ll stay with me even though I’m not trying to ‘teach’ you how to be a better writer (at least not directly). If we travel this road together long enough, something will stick.

And that’s all that really matters.

Breaking News: You Don’t Need Permission to WRITE/PAINT/DANCE/LIVE CREATIVELY

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Source: Google Images/Art Inspirations by Debra at passthefeather.org

Big Magic

I recently finished (with much sadness, it was such a wonderful read) Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic (she wrote the delightful book Eat, Pray, Love). Basically it’s about the magic of inspiration, the freedom to create without another’s permission, and the magic of living a creative life. I devoured each chapter, dog-earing so many pages it looks more like an accordion than a book!

Somewhere along the way, like she writes in the book, I got it all wrong. I believed, wholeheartedly, that I needed the RIGHT desk/workspace/ideas/inspiration/subject, etc. to go ahead and begin creating. That I needed someone to tell me that what I was doing – actually, creating – was okay. I needed permission to create.

Turns out I’ve been creating all my life. I still have sketches from grade and high school (but I stupidly got rid of my oil  and acrylic paintings because I thought they weren’t good enough to show anyone) and a few poems I wrote. I re-discovered them while cleaning out a box during one of my many moves to another new place a few years back. (And I still keep them tucked away, out of sight, for some unknown reason.)

sigh…

Don’t Be Afraid

Then I reached the “You’re Afraid” chapter and found many of the same excuses I’ve used over the years to not create. Let’s see if you find yourself in any of these (there were many more but I think you’ll get the gist):

  1. You’re afraid you’ll be rejected or criticized or ridiculed or misunderstood or – worst of all – ignored.
  2. You’re afraid there’s no market for your creativity, and therefore no point in pursuing it.
  3. You’re afraid somebody else already did it better.
  4. You’re afraid everybody else already did it better. (You know, you’re not original enough…)
  5. You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of discipline.
  6. You’re afraid you don’t have the ‘right’ [quotes added] kind of work space, or financial freedom or empty hours in which to focus on invention or exploration. (This was and has always been one of my lamest excuses for not creating something. That I was always so sensitive to my artistic environment; that the ‘wrong’ time or place or direction I faced with my desk would surely ruin any chances of creating something GREAT that would be enjoyed by ALL; that without all of the ‘right’ things necessary to SUCCEED I would, after all, definitely FAIL.)
  7. You’re afraid you neglected your creativity for so long that now you can never get it back. (It must be my fault – since I couldn’t get the setting ‘just right’ and now I’m doomed to never create again. Hurrumph.)
  8. You’re afraid of being a one-hit wonder.
  9. You’re afraid of being a no-hit wonder.

And so on….

You Don’t Need Permission, After All

But here’s the BEST part, the REVELATION that so many of us (especially me) need to hear (more than once,obviously):

“You do not need anybody’s permission to live a creative life. Maybe your parents were rule-followers or too busy being melancholic depressives, or addicts, or abusers to ever use their imaginations toward creativity. Maybe they weren’t makers…maybe just pure consumers. Maybe you grew up in an environment where people just sat around watching TV and waiting for stuff to happen to them.”

This was my childhood: mom and dad plunked in front of the TV at the end of exhausting days of housework [mom] and construction [dad], smoking cigarettes and barely speaking to each other (or us) while watching variety shows or sitcoms. Art was what hung on someone else’s walls (our living room was decorated with my parents bowling trophies, including the back end of a donkey for my dad’s team coming in last place); I certainly wasn’t encouraged to follow that road. Go to college. Get a job. Those were my parents’ mantras all through school. How on earth could I escape that fate? I’m still struggling to make room for creativity, to give myself PERMISSION to create WHATEVER I want to create, regardless of what you or whoever thinks about it. My sister was even more talented than me and she, too, was forced to become a square peg in a round hole, to abandon all artistic dreams for a future where putting bread on the table was the most important (and only) thing one could do with one’s life. It was the sensible thing to do, after all, right? (sneer)

“You want to write a book? Make a song? Learn a dance? Draw a penis on your wall? Do it. Who cares? Let inspiration lead you wherever it wants to lead you.” 

In other words, stop worrying what others will think; you don’t need their permission or approval; just create, damn it! And damn anyone who believes differently! Because, in the end, it’s all just creativity. So it really doesn’t matter all that much. Get it?

Good.

Entitlement (the right kind)

That said, you need to understand the concept of entitlement – not the narcissistic American ‘I-deserve-everything-I-want‘ kind of entitlement but the kind of entitlement that lets you live freely with your creativity intact:

“… in order to live this way – free to create, free to explore – you must possess a fierce sense of personal entitlement… Creative entitlement simply  means believing that you are allowed to be here and that – merely by being here – you are allowed to have a voice and a vision of your own.”

A Final Word

These are two of my favorites from the book – because they’re true, no matter what anyone says:

“Pure creativity is magnificent expressly because it is the opposite of everything else in life that’s essential or inescapable (food, shelter, medicine, rule of law, social order, familial responsibility, death, taxes, etc.). Pure creativity is something better than a necessity; it’s a gift. It’s the frosting… a wild and unexpected bonus from the universe.”

This is a woman deeply in love with her creativity. This is a woman who knows she is FREE to create without boundaries, permissions, critiques, etc. This is the kind of person I aspire to become and after reading her book, I know I am several steps closer to the clarity that I am FREE TO CREATE simply because I MUST CREATE. Because it’s who I AM.

“You can live a long life, making and doing really cool things the entire time. You might earn a living with your pursuits or you might not, but you can recognize that this is not really the point. And at the end of your days, you can thank creativity for having blessed you with a charmed, interesting, passionate existence.”

Amen, sister.

So get out there, folks, and create SOMETHING.

I dare you.