Getting What We Want, Getting What We Need and a Leap of Faith

believe in yourself

Source: Google Images/ successserieslic.com

Pondering

Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell the difference between something that feels good and something that feels right.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to distinguish between something that I need and something that I want.

So when a serendipitous moment or situation arrives, is it truly so? Or am I too focused on it being something I want? This is what scares me: that I will make a decision because I believe it to be an opportunity when really it’s not, when it’s something I want over something I need. Or just the opposite, when I make a decision based on believing it’s something I need over something I want.

I believe the Universe gives us what we need, not what we want (wouldn’t that cause a host of problems in already too-self-centered world), so maybe all situations are serendipitous, and how we respond is where we succeed or err.

Saturn Opposition Moon is still kicking my ass but has backed off somewhat since Mercury (the planet of communications) left retrograde on August 2nd and is moving forward again (big sigh of relief; no more miscommunications, misunderstandings, for a few months). I still feel philosophical, though I’m working more hours and writing/creating less – which means more money but less time for creative projects. My mind is constantly wandering off to some creative adventure I’d like to begin or complete.

Reviewing

I like to reread my posts; they can often inspire a new blog topic. As I reread my July 12th post on freely living a creative life, one of the quotes I included in the post bothered me. Author Elizabeth Gilbert wrote that whether or not we earn a living from a creative life isn’t the point.

I suppose it’s easy for her to write that, since she does earn a living from her writing.

How many writers/artists/creatives would agree with that statement, I wonder?  

Are you truly happy just creating? I am, to a certain extent, but I admit I’d like to be able to rely, at least partially, on my creativity to support me (I’ll bet many of you would as well). Because creating something (a new novel, a painting, refinished furniture, a sculpture, etc.) is important but to earn a living from that creativity would allow us to be self-sufficient, independent, and not reliant on some J-O-B (with idiot bosses and stupid rules) so we can live our lives as we choose. Earning a living from our creativity would provide the freedom to work to live, not live to work, as so many Americans stuck in the daily grind must do.

Fear of the (Necessary) Big Leap

My biggest fear is to make the leap into 100% creativity, 100% of the time. When I think about it, I question whether I want or can create 100% of the time, since creative juices naturally ebb and flow. Caution in making deep-dive decisions come with age; thirty years ago I would have leaped into the unknown without thinking twice. Now I have responsibilities. Yet something continues to gnaw at me deep inside (could be that Saturn Opposition Moon thing). I’m not living an authentic life because I’m too concerned with that “just get a job” mantra drummed into me by my parents (that I cannot seem to let go of, for some insane reason).

What I want, then, is perhaps exactly what I need – to live creatively, freely, without doubt, without fear, always creating, always moving forward without regrets.

That is the leap of faith I (and you) must take.

Not That Kind of Blog

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Source: Google Images/geekwire.com

Saturn Opposition Moon is Kicking My Ass Right Now

I don’t know how many of you are into astrology or accept its veracity but I’m in a Saturn opposition Moon situation through November that has me re-thinking some very personal issues (career vs. personal happiness is one aspect; others are some specific security/insecurity issues and it’s during this time that I’m to work this all out, lucky me). I feel more philosophical these days (which is what comes with age, oh joy) and it shows up in my writing more and more. I’ve realized it’s who I am (and have become more so) and my writing reflects that aspect, even in this blog. I feel a greater need to be even more creative (like it’s pushing everything else out of my mind lately; this is my 3rd blog in the space of a week because the words keep flowing) and often find myself daydreaming about creating in other ways (painting, fabric painting, mosaics, photography, etc.). My creativity seems to have worked its way to the forefront of my life; I’m still not sure if it’s a good thing (because it’s the road I’m meant to be on) or just some wishful thinking (as an escape from those pesky issues). I think it’s part of what I’m forced to work out during this transition.

Not That Kind of Blog

Mine is not a how-to-be-a-better-writer kind of blog, I never intended it to be. Though I might pepper in a few how-to posts, my blog has a more philosophical, narrative and personal style. Since the beginning, I’ve gained and lost readership as a result of writing this blog from a different approach. As with many (insecure) writers, I’m learning to be okay with the ups and downs and continue 1) as if it doesn’t matter in the long run, and 2) believing that some readers will gain new perspectives on their own writing from my personal perspectives.

What Do You Gain?

Are you gleaning anything positive from my posts? Do they help you become more introspective in relation to your writing skills and style? Do my posts help you look at the work you’re creating with a new set of eyes, with a renewed sense that what you’re creating is good enough? This is my hope, my goal. Sharing on a deeper level, to me, is more profound than focusing only on the technical aspects of writing (how to be a better writer, how to sell more books, etc.). Depending on your genre, philosophical or narrative posts may be more helpful; maybe not. It’s all a crapshoot anyway, right?

Walk With Me

So there it is. I hope you’ll stay with me even though I’m not trying to ‘teach’ you how to be a better writer (at least not directly). If we travel this road together long enough, something will stick.

And that’s all that really matters.