Tag Archives: life

It’s All in How You Look At It

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Like I always do, I re-read my last post several times. Partly because I like the way it turned out and partly because the point I made about fully realizing a goal is still relevant (and will be until I fully realize that goal).

Which got me thinking…

A Different Perspective

What if I adopted a different view of all this moving/running/traveling/ adventuring I’ve done the last 35 years? I’ve often complained (to myself and a professional ear) about not finding a ‘home’ – a place where I can put down roots and connect to the people and place. After reading the last post one more time, something dawned on me. Maybe I’ve spent too much time believing that each move was going to be temporary because, well, they have been. And maybe that’s on me for seeing them only that way.

Note: Another aspect is that, over the decades, I have seen more renters (including me) forced into transient lifestyles because of rent increases based on variable ‘market values,’ thereby creating the very instability we’re trying so hard to avoid. Rarely does one rent a place with the expectation of staying long-term, like 10-15 years, anymore. And I realized that is exactly what I’m seeking. Not permanence (no such thing), but S-T-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y.

What if…I decided to view a move to a new place as something that could be stable if I allowed it? By allow, I mean inject some level of stability into the new place? I’ve had a habit of buying used or cheap furniture, figuring why invest in nice things to make a home when I’ll just be packing it up in 12 months anyway. Then it dawned on me: what a negative way to approach a new opportunity to create something.

Now, It Comes To Me…Slowly

At some point after the opportunity to come home opened up, I decided on a different approach. I bought new furniture for this new place because I wanted new. I’m tired of buying someone else’s energy (couches and beds can hold a lot of positive and negative energies). I decided that I wanted pieces that reflect me and my home. Yesterday, I surveyed my new surroundings and took a few moments to take it all in. I realized that my ‘temporary’ mentality had manifested as exactly that with every move over the better part of the last three decades.

Aha…

Change is Good, Right?

Then I began thinking, what if I make a conscious decision to invest in some sense of a stable life? What if I approached this relocation to my new (old) home as a process of bringing some level of permanence (i.e., settling in to a place and making it a home) to my up-till-now gypsy lifestyle? I’m tired of the move-relocate-move-then-repeat cycle. It’s exhausting.

Our attitude, how we perceive situations, problems, even life, can change our behavior if we choose to see it from a different angle. I’m not sure how effective this approach will be for me, but I’m at least willing to give it a try. Are you?

#author #amwriting #life #attitude #positiveattitude #changeisgood #thewritinglife #mestengobooks #travel #adventure #transience #powerofpositivethinking

The Descent After the Goal

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It’s Sunday morning – okay, by now it’s late Sunday morning, because I’ve been reading the paper, doing one of the word puzzles, drinking my tea and basically taking my time and enjoying my Sunday morning. On a whim, I decided to check my I Ching reading for the day (on ifate.com, in case you’re interested, because it’s FREE). It’s an interesting read, to say the least.

The Goal Achieved?

I recently (and finally) relocated back home. I got the he** out of California and don’t miss it at all, especially since wildfire season is in full swing. I do miss the Meyer lemons, though. Imagine a lemon sweet enough to suck on and delicious enough to make the best lemony desserts. (Note: it was mated with a mandarin back in the late 1800s by a man from China; some guy named Fred Meyer then brought it to the U.S.)

But I digress…

It was a rocky relocation and I’m being kind when I say that. For example, the moving company somehow managed to not pack a single stitch of my clothing or any of my bedding into the UBox that was shipped 3,500 miles to my new (old) home. That and some other challenges have taken up much of the last 5-6 weeks to resolve (me and my clothes have since been re-united) and my stress level has been way too high for way too long. Hence this long, quiet, and relaxing Sunday morning…I need it.

Sometimes the hexagram readings are spot-on with what’s currently happening. Other times, you have to really think about how it relates to your life currently or in the near future. Today, it was spot-on and it opened my eyes, especially the last two paragraphs. Talk about prophetic…

Going Up

“The situation represented by this reading can be compared to taking a lengthy trek over a high mountain. At some point before reaching the peak, you can see—in detail—exactly how much farther you have to travel. You will have a good idea of what it will take to reach the top, because of the climbing experience you’ve accumulated thus far. However, when you do reach the peak (which has been in sight for quite a long period of sustained effort), you will have done only that. You will have reached the top and achieved your initial goal, but you still must descend the other side. This last critical segment is what remains before completion.”

~ From Divination.com by the Divination Foundation

With all the planning I did while still in CA (emails, phone calls, security deposit that got delayed, etc.), I could finally see that goal – I was going home. But it was all I could see. Or would see, to be truthful. I was obsessed with getting to the top, reaching what I thought was the whole goal. I was wrong…

Then Down

After a few minutes of contemplation, this came to me: I’m finally here. I’ve reached the pinnacle of the mountain (the goal to come home). But now I must go down the other side to complete this journey. Going down is usually much easier, though there may still be challenges along the way.

The second paragraph struck me in a way that opened my eyes to a long pattern of only keeping my eye on the pinnacle, the goal at the top/end, and not the whole journey, which includes going down the other side of the mountain to complete the goal/cycle (I added the bold and italics):

“Consider, too, the possibility that you have little information and no experience of what it’s like descending the other side of the mountain, because all your attention has been focused on the path going up. The coming situation may seem very strange to you—unlike anything that you have experienced before—but the other side of the mountain is where the true mysteries reside. Proceed carefully, cautiously, and alertly; and you will arrive honorably at the completion of your goal.”

~ From Divination.com by the Divination Foundation

Revelation (of Something Missed)

OMG. You mean there’s more?

Of course there is. What goes up, must come down, remember? All these years I’ve only been focused on a part of the goal, thinking it was the whole goal the whole time. How wrong I was.

Getting here was only a part of the goal, not a completion of the goal. Now that I think about it, it makes sense. I still have work to do. I’m home and yet I’m not – not yet, anyway. I’m at a stopping-off place along the way, along the journey to my goal of coming home. I’m close but I’m not yet finished. The goal is not complete. But it will be, because now I know to watch my step as I climb down from the top of that mountain and into my new (old) life here at home.

Safe travels to all who dare that climb up. Don’t forget to climb down!

#mestengobooks #reading #awakening #reachinggoals #home #life #writeroninstagram #travel #adventure #risktaking #divination #iching #contemplation #settinggoals #journey

Life is Like a Badly Designed Parking Lot

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zigzag

Driving Me Nuts

Yesterday I found myself swerving, zigzagging and avoiding cars driving straight towards me in parking lot lanes barely wide enough to be two-way. The one-way lanes in this lot were so narrow I had to slow down and carefully go around any trucks or SUVs with their rear ends sticking out of the short lanes to avoid hitting cars parked on the opposite side.

*deep sigh*

As I came to a turn, I prayed idiot pedestrians would actually look both ways before stepping out onto the road (in CA they NEVER do that) so I won’t chance hitting one (not that I’d be all that upset if I did). I slammed on the brakes for two guys indifferent to my presence.

As I navigated stop signs and idiot drivers through this parking lot from one side to the other (it’s a shortcut to avoid several lights though I’m rethinking the route now), something dawned on me and I exclaimed it out loud to myself (multiple times) in the car:

“This badly designed parking lot is a metaphor my life here in northern California!”

*Sheesh*

Not the Metaphor I’d Hoped For

2023…this has been a spectacularly challenging year (even though a Black Water Rabbit year, according to Chinese horoscopes, was supposed to be good for me in the area of finance.)

*harrumph*

Temp work all but dried up and permanent work has been beyond my grasp. I can’t explain the feeling of how navigating the parking lot seemed a strange parallel to what my life has been here: a lot of dead ends (choices leading nowhere), stop signs (no, you can’t go that way), people crossing my path (for brief periods and not caring much ), narrow lanes (are you sure this is the right path? not a good fit for you).

I was overcome with such a strong feeling of discombobulation that I now struggle to put it into words. Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe it…it’s as if, no matter how hard I try or which choices I make, the end result is the same: nope, this road ain’t gonna work for you. 

stopsign

Such is Life…

But life is like that sometimes, right? We’re confronted by numerous adversities, both personal and professional, in our lifetimes and whether we right ourselves depends on our ability to cope and resolve the issue. It’s just that sometimes that feeling of discombobulation is so overwhelming it can be hard to see the way out of a place that isn’t working.

Movin’ On is All You Can Do

Can’t go back in time, can’t stay still, so moving forward, moving on, is the only option. Like the saying “one day at a time,” I must keep moving in a forward direction, one step, one day at a time. Must keep knocking on doors, climbing over walls, finding ways through locked gates. For me, “when one door closes, another door opens” always meant when one door closes, find a damn window to climb through. I’ve always been determined to find a way, no matter how many obstacles in front of me. I don’t like to be told ‘no’ in any form. 

Cathartic writing is good for the spirit. Who knows, in sharing this I may finally find my way out of that badly designed parking lot and on to a smoother road. Or maybe a reader will come up with a resolution to a similar problem. Either way, all we can do is hope, right?

#writing #amwriting #writersofinstagram #author #driving #roadblocks #life #lifeishard #mestengobooks #livinglife #loveyourself #success #believe #positivevibes #selflove #goals #yourself #motivationalquotes #l #mindset #likes  #insta #quoteoftheday #friends #inspirationalquotes #family #live #quote #positivity #peace

The Bloom Is Off The Rose

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withered rose

Source: Pixabay

That’s it, I’m done. This morning I read an interesting post by a writer I follow who took a 6-week break from SM (which explains why I didn’t get any new posts from her in my inbox). Many of the comments I read for that post agreed and offered some useful words on how to handle SM if you choose to stay in the game. I’ve posted before on the pros and cons of SM and how much we actually ‘need’ to be on it. I was inspired by her desire to cut the proverbial ties that bound her to her followers and the global writing community, the ties that took her away from her writing time. I constantly struggle with a similar issue. But her honesty encouraged me to take a small step today and I deleted my Goodreads account (for the second, and hopefully, last time) while reorganizing and thinning out my online bookmark manager.

Honestly, why should I give a damn which books complete strangers are reading? And why would they give a damn what I’m reading or have read? FYI – just finished Saving Fish From Drowning by Amy Tan; I hope knowing this changes your life in some way. 🙂

I’ve also wrestled (many times, actually) with closing my Mestengo Books FB page; it contains the same information as my website and I’d rather you visited that over a lackluster FB page. All my FB followers (a whopping 35 people) can visit my website, if so inclined. Well, that’s gone now, too. Whew. A moment of trepidation but I quickly recovered. (And I have fourteen days to make it live again, in case I change my mind and realize I simply can’t live without an ineffective FB page.)

I’ll keep the FB page for my nutrition book (author’s note: skanky Meta shut it down in May of 2020 for no apparent reason). I’m trying out Instagram and Twitter (with Elon taking over, I switched to Tribel in 2022); I don’t spend more than about thirty minutes a day on each (first thing in the morning is best for me) so I don’t yet feel they’re sucking the soul out of me. Give ‘em time.

Does this mean I’m focusing more on productive writing? Not necessarily. I am currently in a predicament that is engulfing almost every moment of almost every day and invading my thoughts almost round the clock . Exhausting. But that’s life: the ups and downs, hills and valleys, ebbs and flows. Due to unforeseen circumstances, my life is currently in that ebb/down/valley so I’m not focused on writing other than this post. Maybe I should be, it would bring a welcome relief from the stress and insomnia.

As I’ve posted before: all we can do, in my opinion, is what’s best for each of us, no matter what the ‘experts’ tout. If you like SM, are good at it, and are finding success with it, then stay the course. Too many people are in burnout mode from the addictive lure of instant success, instant money, instant something. As always with a fad that rapidly becomes popular, (almost) everyone  wants on board, wants their ‘piece of the pie.’ What was once shiny and new quickly fades into oblivion, replaced more quickly by the newest, baddest, greatest, freshest, cheapest, etc. And many of us (writers) are exhausted from trying to keep up. In that realization, a host of writers are backing off, reverting back to doing things ‘the old-fashioned way.’ They’re taking a step back to view the bigger picture. Exhaustion is then replaced with serenity, clarity, and wisdom gained only by the experience.

I will continue to post to my blog because I need it, even if you don’t. And I will make a concerted effort to keep only a small space in my life for SM. The bloom is definitely off that rose for me.

What has been your experience with SM? Positive or negative? Care to share? What are some good arguments for keeping up with it? What are some good arguments for letting it go?

Skills Building: Write Your Obit

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obit_citizens voice

Source: Google Images/Citizens’ Voice

Sudden Loss and a Brainstorm

Last week I lost a family member; it was a rather sudden, unexpected passing. I’d not seen him in many years but it did not diminish my feeling of loss. I remembered him as a sweet, gentle, quiet soul and his obituary, which read more like a loving eulogy a family member would give at a service, echoed that same sentiment.

That got me thinking. In two previous posts I emphasized the importance of getting your Digital Property (blog 1, blog 2) in order so that those left behind when you’re gone can manage your completed (and not completed) works. And then I thought: What better way to up one’s writing/skill level than to write one’s own obituary? It’s often an assignment in writing classes as it provides a sense of mortality and an intimate examination of our lives, as well as our place in this world (or at least what we hope it might have been).

How Do You See You?

What will you write about yourself? Would you include your accomplishments, hobbies and (mis)adventures? What would you leave out? What will you leave behind? To whom will you leave your belongings? Family? Charities? Or just donate it? If you had to do it over again (life), would you change anything? Leave anything undone, incomplete? It’s a sobering experience, trying to see yourself the ways others might. The first time I attempted this exercise I found it difficult to decide who got what – if anybody actually wanted any of my crap to begin with, they have enough of their own. The second time was a bit easier, as awareness of my own mortality felt more real.

Then I felt a strange fear, as if I’d suddenly gotten a glimpse of the universe, less me.

Go For It

Be colorful; use apt descriptives and pictures to express who you were in life (like the image above). These days, everything goes online for family to see and they can “sign” an online memorial book. How do you wish to be remembered? Are your stories/works included in that legacy? We’re told to take control of our lives, to own them, so why not own your obit? Let the world see you as the artist, writer, sculptor, etc. that you are, and in YOUR words. Give them an opportunity to revel in what you leave behind.  

Think of your obituary as your last and greatest work, the final piece of the puzzle that is YOU.

Quit It!

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I Quit

Exciting news…I finally quit my contract J-O-B. Recent events have afforded me an opportunity to rest, reflect, renew, and best of all, write. Been a long time coming. I plan to take full advantage of this wondrous extended vacation (at least to the end of this year), including a real vacation, as in get my ass on a plane and go somewhere (making plans to visit Rome and Tuscany; lots of inspiration there, I’m sure). I’ve made a list of projects needing completion, editing, or launching; tasks around the house to complete; day trips to places I’ve not yet been – it’s prime hiking season here right now. I’ll also have free time to interview some experts on aspects of my current in-the-works fiction novel.

I feel like Julia Roberts’ character in the movie, Eat Pray Love, where she tells her best friend that she has no passion and wants to marvel at something. This is exactly where I am in my life and work. Food tastes blasé; I can’t even feel excitement for the new car I spent months looking for, or the fact that I found the strength to walk away from my  contract job. I’ve gone numb and am in deep need of serious eye- and mind-opening experiences. (Okay, and gastronomic, too, since I’m going to Italy!)

On the topic of quitting: I’m also quitting LinkedIn, Mind Body Network, and a couple writer blogs I follow. I’m cleaning house, as it were. After some deliberation, I admitted to myself that I’m not getting anything from some of the SM except an overload of junk news. LinkedIn, for example, has become too much of a social platform like Facebook, though I realize that was not the intention of the LI creators. Give people a yard, they take a mile. Everyone wants to put in his or her two cents. Information overload!

As I sit back and view the bigger picture with all this SM technology, I can’t help but both marvel and cringe at the same time. Sure, it has opened up the world to everyone in it, but is that necessary for daily life? Some days I feel left out because I’m not participating in posts, tweets, and uploads. Other days I’m grateful because it frees up my precious private time to actually go live my life. It’s a mixed bag, to say the least. 

I also plan to spend some money and time (now that I have a bit of both) on marketing my current works. Sure, putting more books out there is a great way to draw attention to earlier work (hence the projects), but some type of marketing is always necessary, no matter how long ago you published and I’ve been negligent.

With opportunity comes ideas and I’m filling my new writer’s notebook with plenty. It feels good to actively be creating instead of stagnating. I look forward to some quiet time, as that is just as necessary (and often as inspirational) to move forward with my writing and life.

Where are you in your writing and life? Can you take a break? If only for a week or two? Rest and renewal are crucial to unclutter your mind, give you a new perspective, perhaps a new direction. Is it worth the risk? Possibly. Only one way to find out… 

 

Every Life Has a Story…

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One of the ongoing contentious issues where I live is how to deal with the considerable number of homeless citizens. Our city has estimated that there are several thousand folks, at any given time, in this difficult and frightening situation. I frequently pass snacks from my car window to a homeless vet or other individual; I have even purposely sought out hungry homeless people  in my area to pass along a leftover sandwich or drink. I often consider trying to talk to one of them, to find out what happened in their lives that landed them on the streets.

Police, politicians, and the community express a wide variety of opinions on how to handle this devastating situation (they’re not, actually, they just spend time arguing about resolutions that never materialize). The constant harassment by police, who then dispose of the camping equipment, blankets, and other personal items, is a sore spot for the community and especially the homeless. While many of these less fortunate people have addiction and/or mental health issues, it’s not the same story for each person.

It was because of this controversy that this occurred to me:

Every life has a story and every story has a life.

As writers, whether fiction or nonfiction, for journalism or some other purpose, it is our duty to share the stories that bind us together as a race (humanity), a community (your area), and as predecessors to a new generation of writers/storytellers. We are responsible for being honest in our characterizations,  even with the creation and convincing representation of fictitious characters.

Go forth and listen to what people have to say. Get their stories. Then tell those stories in a way that moves people (emotionally, to take action, etc.). Don’t be afraid to tell the tough stories about misunderstood people (real or imagined). Use these stories to color your fiction work, whether they be shades of gray or bright pastels,  and paint each life/story as important because it is.

A friend once told me each person that crosses your path knows something you don’t.

What have you learned today that can be a part of a story?

 

Walter Mitty and Me

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walter mitty image2

Getting Ideas…

It’s Memorial Weekend and am actually off today…so a bit of relaxing and writing is in order. I watched a movie while eating lunch, instead of sitting in my kitchen staring out the window. I watched the remake of “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” with Ben Stiller. Cute movie. And a reminder of something I’ve written about before – a life on the road – or at least some adventures peppered with some bad decisions.

What caught my eye was at the end of the movie where Walter is re-writing his resume, since he’s lost his job at LIFE magazine. Instead of the usual humdrum skills checklist and god-awful BORING summary (Professional with a strong work ethic and multiple years of interaction with people in various work settings…yes, this is mine…), he listed his adventures (jet boarding down some road in Iceland, jumped from helicopter into the sea, etc.). It got me to thinking..if we are to get out of that conformist corporate box of a day-to-day J-O-B and move into our lives, how would a resume like that go over? 

…And Dreaming of New Answers

As a writer, I often dream like Walter Mitty of writing and traveling and earning enough to live on. Competition is stiff in most fields these days, so thinking out-of-the-box is essential to succeed, especially as a writer. I’ve got that looping tape in my head of my mother telling me to “just get a job.” It’s been there for over forty years and I’ve yet to figure out how to erase it. The movie reminded me that when we’re busy living our lives we don’t have time for daydreaming, because we’re actually living our dreams. So I’m going to re-think how I present myself to the world, because I have had some great adventures (including some based on bad decisions) and I need to give myself more credit for them.

As a writer, I know I’ll never be a New York Times bestselling novelist. I’m okay with knowing that I’m a mediocre writer – what’s so wrong with average anyway? I may have a smaller audience but they’re an audience nonetheless. The fact that there are folks like you out there, listening and hopefully gleaning something from my work, is what’s important to me now. I no longer strive to reach or grab the brass ring. I have dreamed for years of becoming a writer, only to finally admit that I AM a writer – with or without the audience or brass ring.

Lesson: Dream your dreams. Take a chance every now and then to live one out, just to see where it takes you. Then you can write all about it.

Walking & Writing Down Memory Lane

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As I continue to unpack my life in my new home (hey, the older we get, the longer the process takes, wink wink), I discovered some long-forgotten gems I’d packed away. A friend is bringing by a TV with stand later today, so I had to make room. There were still two containers, one packed with Christmas decorations and the other marked “Memorabilia” that I needed to either put away or go through and discard unwanted items. I stored the Christmas box in the storage closet then set about rifling through the box packed with memories of my past. 

That container walked me through parts of my life I’d long forgotten, including many of the papers I’d written while earning my Psych degree back in the late 90s. I chuckled and snorted my way through the papers – Philosophy – the life of Socrates; English 202 term papers; and several of my clinical psych papers on serial killers (their psychopathology and crime scenes). At the bottom, tucked in an old scrapbook, I discovered some poems and short stories I’d written as a teenager. Seems I’ve been writing for longer than I remember. I stacked those papers in a neat pile to scan into my computer at some point. I enjoyed reading them again, to see how much I have and have not changed over the decades.

Strong memories flooded my mind. In particular, my favorite professor, the late Dr. Eugene Policelli. This man was not only a brilliant professor and writer; I clearly remember he was also fluent in Italian and, of all languages, Latin. We’re talking old school here. But his exuberance, kindness, generosity, and gentle guidance were what I remember most of him and his writing assignments. Because of him, I wrote some damned good stories. One of which he liked so much that he told me to “tighten it up” (I wasn’t sure what he meant by that at the time) so he could have it printed in our local paper (he had a friend who worked as an editor or something there). I remember it was a Christmas story of my family. Then I came across handouts he’d given us on the writing process.

I also discovered a booklet printed upon my graduation from high school and, there among my classmates/poets, was one of my very own poems. I’d completely forgotten about that booklet and writing the poem. I realized some of my emotions and perceptions have remain unchanged by time.

We take many turns along the road of life but in looking back we can see patterns emerge that shape who we are or will be at any moment in time. I realized this morning that I have been a writer for most of my life and the need to express myself is part of who I am, memories and all.

memory-lane-quote